After 44 years in education, I consider myself a very rich man — not because of the money I've earned, but because of the many meaningful, lasting relationships I enjoy with former students, athletes, and their parents. I have shared in their joys and stood beside them in some of their darkest times — and they have done the same for me.
One of those dear friends was a hefty Italian man named John, whom we affectionately referred to as our cross-country team's "Godfather." He once explained to me, in his authoritative, Corleone-style voice, "When you help someone's child to grow up successfully, their parents will be eternally grateful."
Time has proven him right.
Over four decades as a teacher, coach, administrator, and counselor, I've watched boys take the uneven road to manhood. I've seen talent flourish — and unravel. I've seen how quickly poor habits can derail a promising kid and how powerful steady guidance can be in putting him back on track.
Consider Joseph, the son of John — our beloved team "Godfather." Smart, fast, and fiercely competitive, he also had a knack for bad decisions. Before his sophomore year, he set off a dorm fire alarm while trying to impress teammates with a makeshift flamethrower. Later, his father asked if Joseph could stay with my son — his teammate — at my house the night before a big meet so that we could keep him on track with meals, hydration, and sleep. The issue wasn't knowledge; it was a lack of maturity and discipline.
There were more childish — sometimes dangerous — slipups along the way for Joseph, but he made it through high school and even helped us win a couple of state championships before earning a place on the Florida State cross country and track roster.
Unfortunately, Joseph's struggles didn't end after high school. In college, he continued to sabotage his path to adulthood with poor decisions, including experimenting with drugs that nearly destroyed his future. What saved him wasn't a lecture or a rule. It was persistence — parents and mentors who refused to give up on him.
Years later, I officiated Joseph's wedding. During the reception, I entertained the guests with humorous stories about his turbulent teenage years — the chaos he caused and the scares he gave us. We laughed together at the memories, but beneath the humor was something deeper: the quiet admiration we all felt for a father who had never given up on his son.
Today Joseph honors his late father's memory by running the company his dad founded and building it into the strongest shape it has ever been in. He is a loving husband and a devoted father. He has three daughters and a baby boy of his own — named John, of course. And he would be the first to admit that he didn't get there alone.
Many boys face significant challenges while growing up and can be derailed by unchecked curiosity and risk-taking. This generation of boys faces greater challenges than ever because of shifting ideas about manhood. Unlike Joseph, however, too many boys drift through adolescence without the structure, expectations, and mentorship they need. The consequences often emerge later in life, taking the form of delayed independence, isolation, addiction, and despair. The path to manhood is less clearly defined than it once was, and many young men are paying the price.
THIS BOOK IS ABOUT CHANGING THAT.
It is not a defense of outdated stereotypes or a complaint about cultural shifts. It is a practical guide to forming strong, capable, compassionate men — men who take responsibility, show courage, build meaningful relationships, and contribute to their communities. Strength and kindness are not opposites. Discipline and empathy belong together.
The lessons here come from years of lived experience: locker rooms, classrooms, long team van rides, hard conversations, and small daily choices that shape character. You won't find much abstract theory or any sweeping policy fixes. You'll find what actually helps — what moves a boy from potential to purpose.
I don't have all the answers. No one does. But I've seen what works, and I've seen what happens without proper guidance. If you care about helping a boy become a good man — or becoming one yourself — this book is for you.
As the subtitle suggests, this book is divided into a series of relatively short lessons on guiding boys, covering topics such as courage, discipline, mental health, and much more. At the end of each lesson, I summarize the main ideas in three key takeaways. The final lesson,"The Biggest Takeaways," brings together what I believe are the most important insights for parents and mentors to remember as they guide a boy on his journey to becoming a good man.
One of the lessons in this book was written by my colleague, Kathy Preble. An English teacher with many years of experience, Kathy has played an important role in shaping many of the ideas throughout these pages and has also provided thoughtful editorial feedback. We thought it would be both valuable and enjoyable to include a woman's perspective in a book written primarily for boys. As a mother of daughters and a teacher in both coeducational and all-boys schools, Kathy brings a unique and well-rounded perspective.
Her lesson, "From Her Perspective," explores a vital part of a boy's journey into manhood: developing empathy. It encourages boys to learn to see situations from a girl's point of view, helping them build understanding, respect, and stronger relationships as they mature.
Many friends and family members also contributed as readers and advisors, but none more so than my devoted, lovely wife Linda. Many of the best ideas in this book are actually hers. Like me, she is a veteran educator, and we have taught many of the same students and worked with many of the same parents. Most importantly, we share the same values regarding education and, especially, the formation of young people — in this case, boys on the path to manhood.